Responding to Myself ( a Different Kind of Reader's Response)

Instead of writing a typical reader’s response, I want to try out some of Chavez's writing prompts. I think she would encourage this instead of a reader’s response anyway. Prompts taken from page 80-81 of The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop.

“Make a list of reasons why it is important for you to tell the truth about your life”

Because I want my students to do the same and how can I expect them to share their truth if I’m too afraid to even acknowledge mine, let alone share it with others. Nevertheless, my truth is important. At times, I hesitate because I think my truth isn’t as relevant or worthy of being shared. I convince myself that when I share my truth, it is at the expense of others, that there is only enough room for their's. This smallness isn’t my truth. But, it is in this living in and sharing of my truth that I fall into the essence of who I am. I share my truth because it brings me joy, because my joy is my truth and truth is my joy. I’ve allowed my truth to go underground at times, to be overlooked, to have it be replaced with “I’m too busy” or “I’m too scared.” Yet then I write about my truth and realize the way my heart feels even as I write this. That ache that has been begging to be acknowledged, remembered, and accepted and strangely I welcome it. It is important for me to tell the truth about my life because I crave the feeling that sharing it evokes.

“I give myself permission to ________________.”

I give myself permission to be okay with being afraid. I give myself permission to be afraid, but do it all anyway. I give myself permission to mourn the ways in which my life is changing so quickly, too quickly. I give myself permission to ache. I give myself permission to use that ache as a means to come home to myself. I give myself permission to embrace the change that I simultaneously fear and even sometimes resent. I give myself permission to honor these feelings. I give myself permission to release these feelings as they longer serve me.

“Ten things that currently inspire me”

1. Felicia Rose Chavez. Her work articulates a nudge I’ve felt within myself for a long time.

2. What is to come. Soon I’ll have my very own classroom and very own house (even though I technically am renting). I feel overwhelmed, but energized by these things. The concept of adulting inspires me to really welcome it and embrace it and be all that I can be to the best of my ability.

3. Two of my new colleagues have already made me feel so welcomed and important in my own right. I want to make my students feel the same.

4. My mother. Always my inspiration. Lately I’ve been clinging to her advice to “water the flower, not the weed.” I spent years only watering the weeds. Cynical, frustrated, broken. She has taught me that we all live and love as best we can with what we know at the time. And sometimes, we don’t know enough to love enough. Because of her, I now bask in the garden of flowers we have grown together.

5. My child self. I turn inward to hug her, see her, love her, know her. She is so special, so bright and curious, so brave in ways she didn't know were brave.

6. Spotify playlists. I always find the act of curating a specific playlist for a certain mood, theme, vibe to be inspiring. I like to always have a soundtrack for a given moment in time. They almost feel like time capsules when I look back. Discovering new music feels like mining for gold.

7. My friends. I am lucky to have friends that by merely being in their presence, I leave inspired. It is because I have people that make me feel known and loved, and that reminder is enough to inspire me.

8. My best friend’s work OOTDs. Everyday, Lily sends me a picture of what she wore to work. I love that it's a reason to talk everyday, but I also can’t help but get excited and think what will I be wearing to work soon? It's truly fashion inspiration + amping up my excitement to start teaching.

9. Classroom stuff in general. I find myself constantly seeing things, hearing things, reading things and I just think I should buy that, do that, be that, paint that for my classroom. I need to put this inspiration to action ASAP.

10. This class. I am someone that makes excuses. I don’t even realize I’m doing it because I genuinely convince myself I don’t have time for this or that, blah, blah, blah. This class requiring me to write has been actually inspiring me to write.